The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
