if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
