Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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