Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
