As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
