I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
