So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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