If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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