I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
