Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
