i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
