We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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