I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
