thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
