If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
