I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Randomize
