am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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