Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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