Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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