So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
