Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she smelled like a LAN party
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
