And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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