Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize