I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
