think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize