he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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