hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
