I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
