we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
