Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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