I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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