i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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