You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
