I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
