yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
