i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
