Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
