I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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