UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
