You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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