I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
