Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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