I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
