belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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