Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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