Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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