just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
