Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just forgot I was standing up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
