is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is classic penis vs brain.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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