is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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