3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
