East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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