Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
