hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
