There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
