Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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