I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
