This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
