i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
