either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
