I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
