U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
