1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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