sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
