i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
