my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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