Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
