I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
