he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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