new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
