Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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