Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
