So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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